ANTS!!!!!

They are taking over! Ahhhhhhh!

And now I shall give the requisite back story for the aforementioned exclamation.

Right out side my house lives a boat load of ants. I don't know exactly where they live, but they are out there. That much I know because every time I go out, I see them. Oh yes, I see them. Plotting. Plotting their evil little ant plots. So to say that this day came as a surprise would be a lie, but that does not change the fact that I am woefully underprepared for this situation.

Two days ago, their hand (or whatever it is ants use to hold their cards) was finally revealed to me . Their goal: to build a massive ant hill right inside my bathroom. Their method: to form a massive ant line and carry in the needed dirt speck by speck. Truth be told, they have been working on this for awhile now, but it was not until two days ago that I actually noticed it. Here is where the true genius of their evil little ant plot comes in: they chose to do this in my bathroom.

"But Chris!" I hear you say. "Bathrooms are home to water sloshing and splashing around, would this choice not be counter productive to a species that is highly susceptible to water?" Well, these ants surely must have considered it, but they must have taken many other factors into consideration as well. I don't know how (perhaps they studied my mannerisms; perhaps they stalked my facebook page), but the ants somehow realized that I never wear my glasses into my bathroom (the one with the shower at least). Sure the water presented risks, but it was the one place in the house that they could build without my notice. They weighed the risks, and they took their chances.

At first their plan went without a hitch. As previously mentioned, their worked eluded my detection for quite sometime. However, their success got the best of them. They became overreaching as they grew overconfident. Their cozy little ant hill not longer fulfilled them anymore. They wanted bigger, they wanted better, and this meant that they would need more dirt. The ant lines grew larger and larger with zealous ants carrying in the building blocks of their monument speck by speck.

Now make no mistake, I had seen the ant line before this, but I foolishly thought that it would go away as soon as they extracted whatever grain of sugar I had accidentally dropped. Then the ant lines grew, and they grew, and they grew some more until they were to big to ignore. I followed the trail and realized for the first time the extent of their determination. It started from the front door, went through the living room, then into my room and finally ended at the bathroom. It is at the end of this insectan long march that I saw what I wish I had never seen.

Horrified, I grabbed a broom as a means to expel them. While they most certainly had to go, they had personally done me no harm, so I sought to preserve their lives by radically relocating them with a broom as opposed to suffocating them with the fumes of most unnatural poisons. Sadly, every time I got a group out the door, more would rise up in their place. At this point in the invasion, they have started encroaching on my bed. I want to say that I'm at my wits ends, but you and I both know that is a lie. The next step is more than obvious, but the pacifist in me cries out against it. . .

Anyways, long story short. Shit ton of ants in my house, insecticide buying going down tomorrow.